Tipping: Psychological Warfare?
Photo by rick
I already devoted my last post to talking about the article “Why Tip?” from this weekend’s Times Magazine, but there is one more aspect that I can’t resist commenting on. The quote:
Cassinelli prided himself on earning big tips. “I could always upsell my tables’ liquor and desserts,” he said… There are other tricks at waiters’ disposal. Studies demonstrate that waiters can increase their tips by introducing themselves by name, squatting alongside tables, touching diners and drawing smiley faces on the backs of checks.
Yikes! When I read that, I had a whole series of flashbacks to all of these moments at the end of a meal where I undoubtedly was influenced by some of these strategies.
Is tipping some sort of game of psychological warfare?
So What Are These Strategies?
It wasn’t hard to figure out what “studies” the article was referring to — Cornell Professor Michael Lynn published a paper in 2004 called “Mega Tips — Scientifically Tested Techniques to Improve Your Tips.” It is a fascinating read on how customers respond to their waiters or waitresses. Some of his the strategies his research found effective include:
- Wearing something unusual
- Introducing yourself by name
- Squatting next to the table
- Repeating customers’ orders
- Smiling at customers
- Writing “thank you” on the check
- Calling customers by name
There were also some sillier suggestions, including touching customers, forectasting good weather, and entertaining the customer with a joke. All of these strategies had some sort of demonstrable impact during Professor Lynn’s research experiments.
Building a Connection - OK?
Looking back, I know I have been influenced by several of these strategies — inevitably, I feel more generous when the check says “thank you” or the server starts with an introduction. At first, this was a little unsettling to me; it didn’t sit well with me that I had allowed myself to be influenced by things like this. But is there really anything wrong with it?
Yes, someone could argue that wearing something unusual or squatting next to the table doesn’t really do anything to the service that warrants an increase in tips, but I’m not sure that matters. If I end up tipping more because of something my server does, it is because I am in a happier mood or feel a closer connection with the waiter or waitress; in other words, the meal has been more enjoyable, which seems like just as good of a reason to increase a tip than anything else.
Upselling, however…
I left out the most important strategy for a server to increase his or her tips — sell more. Given that most tipping is on a percentage basis, if you sell more, you get more. It is easy to forget this, but waiters and waitresses have a vested interest in selling you more expensive items.
It bothers me when I read quotes from waiters like the one at the beginning — “I could always upsell my tables’ liquor and desserts”. Asking for the waiter’s advice is always a strategy that should be taken with a grain of salt — I would hope that to get an honest evaluation, but the cynical part of me always has to wonder whether the price of an item comes into play. I hope for and expect to get a somewhat neutral opinion.
In fact, I wonder if “upselling” is not a risky path for a waiter or waitress — I get annoyed by upselling, and if I pressured into buying something I don’t really want, I’m likely to not only not oblige, but also be less inclined to leave a generous tip.
Good To Know
With the exception of upselling, I think most of these strategies are perfectly fair game, and I’ll probably continue to respond to them on some level. But I think its also a good idea to know what you are getting yourself into.
Any one have any other experiences with waiters or waitresses trying to increase their trips? Any good stories? Let me know!
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Yeah, i’m sure a lot of these tips def. work on the average person. But i gotta tell you, i can’t STAND it when waiters/waitresses do that sorta thing - esp. the whole kneeling down and touching parts….shiver….i guess it’s because i KNOW the only reason they’re doing that is to “upsell” and what not, so it doesn’t come out sincere….esp at places like Hooters
haha…
Now, the simple stuff like smiley faces and Thanks! on the check is more subtle and sincere in my opinion….but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
@Budgets are Sexy, I agree completely — this is not a conscious act on my part, but I’m pretty sure I’m less inclined to tip well when the waiter or waitress is clearly trying to increase her tip — its very offputting, ruins the mood.
But yeah, what is it about a “Thank You” or a Smiley Face? I freely admit to being influenced about it, but I’m not quite sure if objectively its any more genuine.
I don’t find it bad that waiters/waitresses do a little extra to get my attention or make my dining pleasurable. However, they need to also understand the mood and intentions of the diners. Sometimes I want to have a good conversation with those I’m with, and if the waiter is pushing his own conversation a bit hard, it’s distracting. But if I just went out for dinner to get out of the house and let someone else cook, then conversation with the waiter isn’t a bad thing. He/she just needs to catch the hints and clues offered by the diners before he even reaches the table.
As a server off and on for the last twenty years I can attest that these really do work. As for upselling, I hate doing it but it works about half of the time. It can be as simple as “Did you save any room for our scrumptious apple crisp?”. I rarely touch customers though, it’s just not who I am. As for wearing something noticeable . . . one place I worked required us to wear black pants. I actually wore a black skirt (w/shorts underneath) and my tips were higher, people noticed and would actually come back looking for me and asking to sit in my section, referring to me as the gal who wears the skirt.
As a server throughout high school and college I know of these tips and I’ve seen them used often. Some of them I don’t use because I think they are uncomfortable, like squatting. Upselling though, in some stores the server is required to try. I usually try when it makes sense, like an appetizer or a dessert but there is a fine line between being helpful and annoying. Interesting post!
Y’know, we get so discouraged buy the execrable customer service at the faceless megaliths with which we’re forced to do business (Qwest, for example, and any other outfit with a customer-foiling punch-a-button system attached to the phone) that when someone treats us with decency (however insincere) and acts as though we were human beings, we’re glad to respond with some generosity. How simple is this?
@cleverdude - I think you’re right on — the reason these strategies work at all is because they are designed to make the experience more enjoyable — if they pull it off, they’ve made my stay more pleasant. I imagine “catching the hints” is what makes or breaks these strategies.
@celticbuffy and Samantha - Nice to hear both of your personal experiences. I certainly don’t fault waitresses and waiters for trying these strategies — all about striking the right balance. I expect there to be pressure for servers to upsell (afterall, the store wins out even more than the server) — and it doesn’t annoy me so much as remind me to be mindful of the bias.
@Funny - Cynical, but I hear ya!
Thanks everybody, I love hearing the responses.
Richard
I disagree with your ‘upselling’ take. I also disagree with the waiter referring to it as a ‘trick’. If done conscienciously, upselling could be considered a service which incidentally may increase a tip.
Waitpeople work for a restaurant which is in business to succeed. Upselling judiciously helps improve the bottom line. Studies abound on how to increase PCV’s (per customer volumes) in every venue of business. Costs of doing business are progressive and one way to survive with fewer cost increases to the customer is to increase the bottom line by upselling.
I am never happy with the size of my glass of milk when I order one. A waitress politely suggested, “you will most likely be happier with a large milk (a .50 higher price) with that meal. Milk doesn’t come with free refills and the extra cost would be less than a new small glass”. She even had the two sizes handy to show me. I went with the large and appreciated her concern.
After the meal, she suggested a desert and extolled the baking virtues of their exclusive in-house baker saying how excited the restaurant was to have her. I ordered a peach cobbler that was amazingly delicious.
Did I tip more? Yes. Do I resent it? No. Will I return? You betcha… I already have and I will ask to sit in that waitresses station. I admire her for her enthusiasm in supporting the company she works for and her positive attitude.. My biggest pet peeve is to see wait persons standing in a huddle, talking about something in hushed tones, or out loud about another wait person, a company policy, etc.
I show no resentment when a waiter tries to upsell. I can’t stand the opposite. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been out to eat, finished my beer, sitting with an empty glass in front of me, and the waiter fails to notice and come bring another. I hate chasing down the waiter for seconds.
Also, how about the servers and bus staff. If they clear my salad or appetizer plates and see an empty glass, why don’t you alert the waiter or relay the need for more drinks. The bus staff is getting a share of the tip; they should at least do their part to keep customers happy.
I am on the road 2 - 4 weeks at a time, and I have plenty of sit down meals. I tip $1 for alright, I tip nothing for poor, and I tip more “if” the service is exceptional. I do NOT do for the % of the bill. I would be looking @ an average of $50 a week. I only get $150 a week for food. So I do what is fair for me. I can’t stand when someone asks me to repeat myself, because they aren’t payin attention. I do not like upsellin, or suggestive sellin, if I wanted it I would have asked for it. 16 years on the road, and payin 3 times now, for what I paid then has made me very cynical.
As a former (and possible future server, with the ever deflating economy) I wanted to let people in on some things they may not know. As a server in a wide range of restaurants, from casual to high end fine dining. I was often surprised by who tipped well,alot of professionals, i.e. doctors, lawyers, bankers, etc., are poor tippers.Whereas middle class people tend to tip better on average.I was not the “overly friendly” server, I preferred professionalism. I learned that being genuinely pleasant, as opposed to over the top *ss kissing, helped me earn better gratuity.There is a difference between,” T.I.P.S.”(To insure prompt service), and gratuity. TIPS are often given automatically,(and often begrudgingly), gratuity is given to show the servce person that you are grateful for the entire performance of the meal. You might wonder about it being referred to as a performance, but it really is one. As a server, I often went far out of the way to obtain a special item a guest had requested, maybe by actually going to a nearby store, (and I really have), or nearly engaging in “Mortal Combat” with an over-stressed Chef to please the guest,Or I might turn the patron onto a wine they might never have tried, not just for the up-sell, but for the indulgent experience.On busy nights serving can be akin to choreography,what with all of the timing, and movement involved. I would try and make the guests feel as if they were my own personal guests, and I tried to think of my station as my own little restaurant.To ensure not the TIP, but the guests satisfaction, and hopefully their genuine “gratitude”. I did this for virtually any guest. Most were never aware that I had, but no matter how little I may have gotten as a gratuity, I knew I had strived to give them the best service they ever received, this meant that if I received a large gratuity, that I had earned it, and if I did’nt, that it wasnt because I had’nt. I always knew it was up to me to win a person over on their terms, not my own. To exceed their expectations. The one real downside of course is my own expectations from servers are rarely met when I dine.Enjoy the good service when you receive it, for it is a dying craft. Maybe some evening it will be me serving you, and I will win your gratitude.
I worked in restaurants for over thirty years before changing careers two years ago. I never pandered to customers. Ever. My job, as a server, was to make sure my customers knew every food and beverage option thay had open to them and letting them decide what they wanted at that particular time. It wasn’t about upselling but pointing out options. Because if the customer decided against one item, at this visit, chances are very good they would remember it at thier next visit.
I truly dislike this whole “let me be your friend” business regarding waiting on tables. I am not your friend. If I was your friend we’d be at my home making dinner and enjoying a glass of wine together. I never knelt down at table nor did I ever touch customers unless they were folks I had known for a long time. I am a very friendly person who is here to provide you with a service to the best of my ability. And I was good at what I did because I enjoyed my job which is why I always had a steady clientele.
And, whether you like it or not, waitstaff throughout most of this country depend on their tips to live as their hourly wage is usally less than half the national minimum wage. That’s right. Half. There are definite exceptions, California is one, but half regular minimum wage is the norm. Tipping should be done strictly on service. if it’s good, then tip accordingly and tell the manager. If it’s done poorly, tip accordingly and tell the manager. Saying nothing about poor service rewards the slackabout.
Peace
The best service is the service that is normal. I hate it when someone is obviously trying to hard and I make sure to avoid those resteraunts that require theyir hostess’ and servers to be “extra cheery” . I just want a normal d@mn person taking my order and serving my food, if I wanted to see a show I would go to Broadway!
This is a very interesting post. I worked in a restuarant in high school and college and I did several of the things mentioned. My objective was to be a great server, first and foremost. Was I trying to get great tips? Of course! After all, I only made $2.13 in hourly wages. But I didn’t do those things thinking that if I did people would give me more money. My focus was doing my job to the best of my ability. If you do that, I think that (in most cases) the tips will be representative of that.